Familiar refrain: Why?
As published on page one of the June 17, 2011 edition of The Keene Sentinel, and online.
For a time Wednesday evening, Thomas Ball's death outside the Cheshire County Court House transformed a familiar spot in the heart of Keene into a landscape of grim-faced first responders, sobbing witnesses, emergency vehicles parked at odd angles and passers-by who held cell phones tight to their ears.
Twenty-four hours later, little evidence remained that Ball, at 5:30 p.m., took his life by setting himself on fire.
Winter Street was quiet as the sun began to fall behind the red brick buildings and green trees Thursday. A jogger passed the cluster of teens lounging on the library's front lawn without paying them any mind.
An on-break construction worker sat on the tailgate of a pickup truck, drinking Fanta and smoking a cigarette, facing toward the courthouse.
"It just seems a waste, really. I don't know why anyone ..." his voice trailed off.
Ball's dramatic death, which intruded so violently into Keene's daily life, is disturbing and difficult to even comprehend. But, mental health advocates say, it is just one example of a public health problem that is often overlooked.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, self-harm is the fourth-leading cause of death for American adults under age 65.
Ball, 58, of Holden, Mass., is survived by his ex-wife and their three children, who live locally; three brothers, who live in Massachusetts; and a sister who lives in Connecticut.
"To my knowledge my brother was a good man; he wasn't violent ... we're not sure why he did as he did," brother Donald Ball, of Worcester, Mass., said in a phone interview Thursday.
Suicide, regardless of the method, always has complicated origins, mental heath professionals say. And while there are warning signs, it can be difficult to see coming -- particularly if the victim is sincere in his or her intent.
"If an individual is really set on killing themselves they are not going to be telegraphing anything, because they really want to succeed," said Dr. Judith Olson, a psychiatrist at Cheshire Medical Center/Dartmouth-Hitchcock Keene.
In a long, deeply researched and carefully written suicide note, Ball shared his frustration with domestic violence charges and lengthy divorce proceedings that he saw as the cause of his separation from his family. He wrote of a conspiracy of feminists and government agencies set on disenfranchising men, causing widespread homelessness. He called for other fathers to take action against law enforcement and the judicial system.
Reading over the letter, Gary S. Barnes, director of MAPS Counseling Services in Keene, said it seemed to be written by a person projecting his own pain onto the world.
"All these things that he's saying did happen to him personally, but he's not seeing it as personal," Barnes speculated. "The whole thing has just snowballed into this nightmare that has elements of truth."
None of the mental health professionals and counselors interviewed had met Ball, and all emphasized how little is known about him, including whether he was ever diagnosed with a mental disorder.
But stories like Ball's are more common than most people realize, according to AJ Paige, a combat veteran and crisis counselor who works with other veterans in the area.
Ball served in the military as a medic for 21 years, first in the Army and later in the National Guard, and he regularly volunteered at Veterans Inc., a homeless shelter for veterans in Worcester, Mass., Donald Ball said.
An average of 85 U.S. veterans take their lives each day, according to Paige.
Just two weeks ago, Paige and eight other veterans from Ruck Up, a veterans' support network in Keene, traveled to New York City to join the "Out of the Darkness" walk sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
"We as a nation need to wake up to suicide," Paige said.
By glossing over or failing to notice emotional pain, on the part of a veteran or anyone who has experienced trauma, people unknowingly contribute to profound feelings of isolation and loneliness, experts say.
The opposite of that, suicide prevention, is about being aware of and addressing that pain, even when it hides behind anger or some other facade.
"Start being aware of suicide. Be aware if someone is feeling upset. ... It's about community and connectedness," Paige said.
And it's about knowing that trauma, such as the reality of a painful and violent death in broad daylight in downtown Keene, does not pass easily.
"If I were to see someone kill themselves, especially in that manner, I would immediately want to find someone to talk to," Barnes said.
He encouraged anyone who witnessed Ball's death to seek counseling "so they can, not get past it, but so they can try to make sense of it."
tagged with: fathers' rights, Keene N.H., suicide, Thomas Ball, veterans
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